When I find myself hiding in the fluffy seats of a dark cinema three times a week, it can only mean one thing: autumn is here and I have no idea how to deal with it. Grey days covered in fog and rain and bleh. How do people cope with this? The weather penetrates my mind and lingers there all the way until the day spring arrives and I don’t have to force a smile on my face anymore when I wake up and the world is still dark and cold.
My medicine is to indulge in baked goods, coffee and movies. Since I don’t have tv or even internet at home, I take myself out on plenty of movie dates. I have a special love for the tiny arthouse cinemas, stocked away in dodgy galleries or alleyways. My all time favourite movie to watch is any five o’clock screening, when I share the room with about four other humans who are most often grandmas dressed up for an afternoon at the pictures.
I adore grandmas, for the fact of being a grandma, for dressing up like queens to go to the five o’clock film and for not judging me when I cry my eyes out during emotional movie moments. Which happens every time. There was the grandma petting my shoulder when I was bawling during the Whitney Houston documentary, the nod of recognition of the older couple as a tear ran down my cheek during the gorgeous 'Cold War’, the lady who offered me a glass of wine after living in awe for two hours during ‘McQueen’.
The one thing no grandma can undo, is the melancholic state of haziness I find myself in after seeing a film that reminds me of something or someone in my life. A couple of days ago I left work early to go and see ‘Lazzaro Felice’, about a young, sweet and kindhearted Italian farmerboy who gets exploited by everyone around him. I paled as the boy showed up, looking a lot like my ex-boyfriend. For two hours straight I sat there with eyes and mouth wide open, sucked into the film while my mind filled up with memories of our love.
As I walked out of the room, I couldn’t bear the city. I was still living in a blur of nostalgia which could only be settled by a large glass of wine and dancing until I could hardly feel my legs. During the bike ride home, the ex-lover wandered my mind and didn’t leave my train of thoughts and dreams until the next morning. I woke up to a message he sent me all the way from Australia.
Ah, the universe has her crazy ways!