When it hits you, there’s no way you’re seeing the world clearly anymore. Eyes blur up with tears, pillows weeping wet. Headaches and tiredness, just like when you were a little child. Crying yourself to sleep. It feels familiar but it doesn’t. It’s been so long since I’ve let sadness take over me. Sometimes I wear it as a veil, transparent for the eyes of others. Heavy on my shoulders.

The veil has gotten too dark, too heavy to carry all the way home. A voice was telling me to get my bike and go go go as fast as I could. The road had no end, extra miles were added to every push I gave. I got in a trance and lost track of time. I might have been riding that bike for hours who knows. What does time even mean when a life has been taken? Too young always too young. Young be the heart filled with love.

We want our loved ones to stick around foverer. To always be there, a phone call away. What if no one picks up and a voicemail on repeat lingers in your ear? What if the veil forms a thick curtain, hiding you away from the world outside? Celebrate they say, celebrate every day! Life is too short and when you go you go. I let it all wash over me, drain me down the earth melt then rise.

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