Healing through frivolity


I’ve always liked the sound of the word ‘frivolity’. To live frivolously, as if you’re frolicking your way through life, skipping from cloud to cloud, jumping over rainbows. It sounds fun! But I just came to the hard realisation that I hardly ever allow myself to to frivolous things. Like making a nature mandala on the beach.

I am on holidays with my dear friend Amy, on a paradise island named Kawau. A day of doing all the things our hearts desire but we never really get to do when we’re at home, like reading books, skinny dipping and losing track of time. Drinking wine on the beach under the big tree, talking about life until the stars come out.

After that one day of riding the wave of island life, a slower pace than the main land is used to, I felt like getting out my to do list. Right, I brought this course and that book I want to finish and I planned on doing this, this and that. And then Amy suggests we make a mandala out of flowers and shells and rocks on the beach, then watching the ocean break it down.

That’s a new thing for me. Actually creating something frivolous, with no purpose or reason or plan of taking a picture and posting it on instagram. Just finding the treasures, placing them in a circle, making it look beautiful for the sake of making it look beautiful. And then watch it wash away. It feels like a waste of time. I’d rather read my course and work on becoming a better person. Or paint so I can leave my holiday with a souvenir. You know, doing things that have meaning and make sense. Write a blog post so people can read it.

When doing something goal oriented, like studying to get a degree, doing a task so you can tick it off your to do list, creating to do lists in general, having sex to reach an orgasm, it’s your masculine side taking over. I’ve always felt very comfortable with my masculine side leading, so everything I have ever done felt like it had to have a goal. No room for frivolity here. Even though I love spontaneous adventures and impulsive ideas, I also love to have control and give a reason for the things I do. Even on my days off. Even on my holiday on a small island where life is giving me all the time to play frivolously.

I feel like reaching deadlines that I’ve been ignoring for weeks when Amy wants to make a mandala. My masculine side and logic brain don’t like the idea of frivolity. What is it going to teach you? What is the goal of spending time making something that is gone before you know it? What’s the use?

To play, baby. To live life a little lighter. To be gentle to yourself. To be in the moment, focusing on making something beautiful, connecting to nature and then: to let go. This mandala is the life lesson I needed to learn but couldn’t find in any course or self help guide.

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