Massive inner censor reactions to this one, but here we go. My journals and conversations have been overflowing with words on love, lovemaking and the healing powers this can have. Sexuality has always played a big role in my life. As I’m finding my tribe in Valencia and wherever we go we create a judgement free zone, I’m feeling more empowered to write about my experiences and thoughts on this sexy topic.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it. But as I’m getting older and having longer relationships I have planted a seed in my own head that sexuality becomes maybe not a less important, but a less prominent part of life as I’m starting to focus on other things. It’s not a priority anymore. It used to be, definitely. Up there with food, shelter, sleep, water,… One of the basic human needs. Physically, spiritually, emotionally I believe sex and intimacy are so so so important.
Inner and outer censors have made me swallow my tongue more than once when I wanted to talk about sex. Shame, guilt and embarrassment are still blocking the natural flow of communication and excitement when it comes to these taboo topics. While actually I want nothing more than to share, listen, ask, learn, discuss our different experiences until day turns to night!
Anyway, I’m here for it all and doing it now in my little monologue. Today I want to share with you, dearest readers, a story on sexual healing. For years I have been pushing this part of my wild woman self to the back, waaay back. So much so I took somatic therapy sessions (highly recommend) to find my sensual self again and at one point I truly believed that it was just a part of my past self, some pleasure goddess which didn’t live with me in this present time anymore. So I let it go and moved on. Or so I thought.
Because apparently coming out of a long relationship and trying to find yourself again as a single, as a fresh resident in a new homeland, as an awkward dater… Can be quite a journey. A journey of confusion, communication, manifestation and being open to new experiences. Suddenly my tinder dates turn into good friends and as I’m really starting to love all this male friend energy in my life, my past inner sex goddess is wondering if she should just pack her bags and leave forever.
Being so open to dating with no intention of starting a new relationship or having a one night stand, my dates have been fertile soil for deep and meaningful conversations and finding instant comfort in authenticity as the pressure of “could this potentially be my baby daddy?” and “Is he just here for one thing only?” falls away. So that's been a nice and gentle welcome back to dating life.
Of course, as life has shown me many times in the past: as soon as you stop searching or let go of something, it will come right at you in full speed from a place you never expected it to. All somatic exercises, the hours of talking about this and trying to find my way back to sensuality finally make sense. Sometimes at the precise right time you meet someone in life who you feel you just had to meet. There is this connection as if maybe you've met in previous lifetimes. Whatever it is, it is strong and there is no denying it. When you make love it's like you were both put on this earth to do exactly that. And all of a sudden pleasure becomes a priority again and you feel like life is loving you up. Floating on clouds, sinking back into my body, can't get that smile off my face. Marvin Gaye knew it all along, sexual healing is the sweetest medicine.