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All the feels

Hola! I know, it’s been a while... Again. I feel like I’m moving further away from the longing to write digital updates, more and more eager to indulge in the here and now. Maybe this is a slow goodbye to my blog? Maybe not. It is hard to stop something I’ve been doing for nearly 12 years. So I’ll just do it like I’ve always done it: my way. Sometimes juicy and fresh, feeling good and sharing in that energy. Other times leaning more towards the darker side of the soul.

What started as a travel blog about New Zealand adventures in 2012, has evolved into the chronicles of my day-to-day life, all the way from 23 to 34. I’m very grateful to have lived in many different places, to have travelled and moved all around the globe with a backpack, or a van, or a lover, or all of the above. Thank you for reading my stories once in a while, or maybe for a dozen years already. You rock my socks.

The truth is, I find it harder and harder to show up at the page (this blog) when I’m not feeling great and far away from my sparkly fabulous self. Some days I’m in love with life, in absolute awe of all the beauty and magic that seems to unfold in front of me wherever I rest my eyes. I have moments of intense gratitude and feeling crazy blessed to have such an incredible community of friends and family worldwide. I can love as hard as I want and feel immensely loved as well. Ahh!

Yet, sometimes I feel like a glimpse of myself. A vague little glimpse all crawled up into a ball hiding in the darkest corners of my inner underworld. Waking up is difficult, starting the day a mission. Those mornings I write, but not on here. I write to heal, but I don’t want to show and tell. Even to my closest friends I find it hard to show up when I feel low. I almost feel guilty. This is not the Joke they know, the bubbly, happy one. This is the one that has a hard time and is ashamed of it, so she is even harder on herself.

I haven’t been around here for a while because I was going through one of those waves in life. The wave you don’t see on social media. In the deepest depths of it, I know beauty still lives. I just couldn’t see it. I opened up to my love and friends, and they received it so well, welcoming me in all my forms: fab or glimpse. Often we can feel alone in our worries, brewing brains, negative headspace. This is your reminder: we all have those days/weeks/months/… of feeling low.

The situation I found myself in was bringing me down at first, and has now opened up space to give me a new perspective on different parts of life. Something I needed to see or learn, but maybe I wouldn’t if it wasn’t for this. Life surely is not always going as planned, what can you actually really plan? Often the universe will look at the plan you made, think: ah, cute, and then present you with a whole new challenge.

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