Spring has sprung, baby! Well, Valencia is more in a summer mood but I'm talking the start of something... Fresh! The city is drenched in orange blossom perfume, flowers are flourishing and butterflies are out there living their best lives. Sunscreen is the daily moisturiser and ocean swims have become part of my ritual again.
Morning yoga in the park, afternoons walking around like a maniac in my hiking boots and woolen socks (Camino in three weeks!) and evenings are for grooving to psychedelic tunes. Last night we went to see Levitation Room and baby boy, the room was levitating alright! It was all happening at the same time. New moon, my period, microdose of homegrown mushies getting me into my body and out of my head.
I wrote about a million morning pages. Creative juices flowing so freely I could hardly keep up. I enjoy learning more about the language my body is speaking to me. Tracking energy levels, giving it what it needs. You needs naps? Let’s go. You need to dance your ass off and talk with absolutely everyone in sight? No worries. Craving chocolate? Sardines? Pasta dripping with olive oil? Girl, nothing is too weird here, I’ll have it all.
I don’t know why it has taken me so long to love my period. Hot damn, I love it so much. The whole cyclical living as an ultimate life hack, following your inner seasons to get stuff done and realising some days you won’t get anything done and that’s okay because most probably you can blame your hormones. I am learning to be more gentle with myself, not expecting to be ON all the time. Which isn’t easy when you’re used to being hard on yourself for pretty much everything.
I think I’ve been able to hide my anxiety quite well. Even my love reacted astonished when I introduced him to the chaos in my head. It’s a journey and I’m taking the long way around, relying solely on natural medicine. That is... Until last weekend, when I went on a cosy getaway with him and his family. All was sweet until I got carsick and stuck in an anxiety attack. His sister gave me a miracle pill and I zoned out completely, smiling thinking this drive could last all night I wouldn’t even mind. I slept for 11 hours and woke up feeling like a zombie but I was so grateful for that medicine in a moment of panic.
It reminds me of when I got my eyes lasered and the nurse gave me a tranquilizer before, which I kindly refused. I don’t take medicine, I said. Okay then, how about half? After some discussing I gave in and took half a pill. The girl next to me took the full dose. She was perfectly fine. I was drooling on myself feeling happy as a baby and high as a kite. So I think I’ll stick with microdosing for now.